On his deathbed, George Washington had only three requests. 1) Don’t let Rush near his corpse with those damn forceps, 2) Make sure that Jefferson doesn’t eat him and 3) Don’t ever name an institution of higher learning after him. And with that final breath he passed on. Those in attendance, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Alexander Hamilton and Samuel Adams all looked at each other and all realized something…they could make millions of dollars on a fake university. Hamilton said that they really should be thinking about the fact that their leader and first president had died, but John Adams slapped him across the face. After Jefferson finished his first course of Washington’s right thigh, he laid out the plan.
Within weeks, George Washington University opened in Washington D.C. Each father taught a list of ‘classes’ such as Madison’s “How to Breathe Fire 103”, John Adams’ “How to Get Beaten Like a Man 212”, Samuel Adams “Um…I’ll Figure it Out Later 301” and Jefferson’s “Come Visit me in the Basement 101 - All Freshmen Welcome.” They charged exorbitant fees while placing all of their students in crippling debt. They, of course, named it after the corpse that had given them the idea in the first place. Washington himself taught several classes such as “………………. 102” and “I’m a Dead Body 312”. Both had waiting lists hundreds of students long.